A Little Shift
I hate these raging hormones. When my hormones rage, my control goes out the window. I think I’m in big trouble. This baby’s due in a week.
Ever since I got pregnant, every time I’ve changed I’ve become this overweight welder guy! That’s not supposed to happen. My parents say
they have never heard of gender changing in any of their family. But
that’s what I’ve been doing for eight months now.
What if this welder guy gets all mellow and doesn’t change for a few months? Before I got pregnant I only changed once or twice a year. I could be sixteen months pregnant!
Generally stress triggers a change and isn’t the whole birth process one huge stressor? I am not optimistic about how this is going to end.
And, God knows these changes can’t be good for the baby. Where does it even go? I don’t even want to think about it.
I asked my Mom about long term sedation until the baby was born. She said that sedatives for shape shifters were unpredictable. One of my aunts needed sedation once and they say she went through four changes in four hours. First into a dog, then a parakeet, then a Clydesdale, and finally back to herself. What would that do to a baby?
What was that? Did I just pee on myself? Oooooh! That hurt! Wait! The Lamaze instructor said the contractions started small. Arrrrgh! I have to push! Nooooo, not now, not another change!
A Clydesdale? You have got to be kidding! Ummm, I think I am a
pregnant mare. Better than a stallion, I guess. Evidently Clydesdales
are in my gene pool. Whoops, what was that? I believe I just had a
foal. Wow, horses do it easier than people. Wait, it isn’t a foal, it
is a little boy. Where did all those curls come from? Wow! What a pair of lungs! Uh oh, here comes another change!
Whew, I am me again. What an amazing thing — to hold my child in my arms. He looks perfect. I am in love! Look at that, he smiled at me!
Lady luck is with me tonight!
Uh oh. Maybe not. I think I see a tiny little tale on this little guy. OK, Buster, what’s with that mischievous grin?